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Sunday, 7 February 2010

From the ZD Archives: Rob's List of "Things Stew Hates" - started Michaelmas 2008.

Rob - under my constant supervision, of course - actually archived this list really well. I'm very proud of him.

(Barnaby Mollett - "This list is literally one of my favourite things ever.")

Stew is, by all accounts, a happy and well-balanced guy. He leads a good life. But there are a few things that he dislikes...

Fancy dress
Pantomimes
Massages
Sitting in the front seat
Bodily Contact (unless leading to sex)
Early Christmas celebrations
Rowers
Cricket (and the Ashes)
Brick (in Anchorman)
Match of the Day 2
Adrian Chiles
The List itself (This list)
Fire alarms
'Cambridge Christmas'
Hobbs Sports
Bananas
Mulled wine
Posthumous praise (e.g. John Lennon)
Garden Warfare
Certain football players, incl. Ian Durrant
Lawrence Dallaglio
Nigel Mansell
Certain Robinson people
Baby P inconsistency in the media
Robinson Choir
Royal Bank of Scotland
Badminton
Real Tennis
Short-sleeved shirts
Cambridge University Football Club
Cambridge University Football Club in Cindies
Rangers FC
Hearts FC
Alan Walbridge's theorising on the free market
Going to the gym
Being forced to buy gym membership for a team for which he doesn't even play
Fi getting him into trouble unwittingly
Macaroni and cheese
Notion of swaps as a match (e.g. Girton Monsters v Tit Hall Honeysuckles)
Grease, Dirty Dancing
'Cambridge' as a concept
The concept of 'Cambridge' as a concept
Concepts as a concept (very abstract)
Having flaws in the List pointed out to him
Ipod (aka Emad Zand), Emad's dress sense, Persian Swedes in general
Feet
Wrestling on his bed
Karaoke
*** CENSORED ***
Duck (the meat)
'Girls' Night Out' as a concept
Pets (and animals in general)
Freddy (the feeling's mutual)
Ian touching Stew's neck
Ian trying to be healthy
Ian's "Work to do!"
Ian working when Stew doesn't think Ian has work to do
Ian locking his door and ignoring Stew if Rob isn't in
Scouting for Girls, The Feeling
People not splitting the bill
Next Gen gym tennis shop
Ian's puppy dog face
Flying
Swimming
Tinsel
Bono, Sting, Bob Geldof, Coldplay
Rob taking his railcard
The 4.32pm Victoria to Bognor Regis train
Adverts on the back of newspapers where you expect the sport to be
Titanic
The Beachboys
The grates on college walkways
People putting inappropriate heavy metal on the jukebox in the bar
Peaches Geldof
Yeoh reading his (supposedly) private messages
The sea
Boys with absolutely no interest in football
Hirst not letting people in his room straightaway
Ian's inconsistent hygiene habits
Sweet machines that give you "about 6 minstrels for 20p"
Robert Peston
ITV News
People who make Stew take a non-neutral POV
New Year resolutions (except for giving up drugs or smoking)
The concept of 'New Year resolutions'
Pink Floyd
Being called 'Stew' rather than 'Stewart'
Being called 'Gimpy' rather than 'Stewart'
Jamie Oliver
People who make a big deal out of being single on Valentine's day
Gypsies (but not in a racist way: Roma are fine, Pikeys are not)
David Pleat and Andy Townsend
Camouflage shorts
People wearing camouflage shorts as 'smart' shorts
People deliberately getting offended by things
Work crises
Ridiculous reactions to the CUSU LGBT news
People being in a relationship with friends on Hubclub
Shia LeBoef


[see also: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=630811951000 - "...A relaxing punt down the river to Grantchester is livened up by Stew's morbid phobia of water, swans, ducks, pondweed, trees... pretty much everything you find in, on or near a river, making punting a particularly stupid choice of a day out for this gimpy Scotsman...."]
-------


Stew likes:
Law
Work
Chinese girls with boyfriends
Influencing people's music tastes
Mini Christmas trees
Hirst's black and blue Ladpants
Making up facts about camping equipment he's trying to sell
Spanish football stadiums
Sam Allardyce
Jelly Beans
Jarnold
Beckham

Ian hates:
Stew's poor quality paper
Stew saying 'huh?'
Stew coming into Ian's room and talking to him
Stew thinking everything is 'the funniest thing ever!'
People who think Stew is funny: he's just not
Stew having no concept of time or distance


Ian likes:
Stew's 'raagh' sick noise
Gleaning from Stew's notes

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