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Monday, 24 May 2010

Lunge York

I stumbled across a group on the Hub called Lunge York. The object of the group appears to be posting pictures of people lunging. In York.

The origins of this group are amazing, and are shared here in full. I absolutely love this:

Legends of the Lunge: The Hunter

There have been many great men and women of the lunge. Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, Elizabeth I of England, William Shakespeare, Sir Isaac Newton David Hasselhoff:– all are well-known to have mastered the principles of the lunge. Animals too can be great lungers – The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Dogtagnan and the Three Muskehounds being swift and excellent lungers, for example. But one man towers above them all in his lunging genius. He is known only as the Hunter. This is his story.

It was a classic night out. My friend Tim Vanderpump (a fellow aficionado of the lunge also known as Lungerpump or Vanderlunge) and I had been drinking down in Clapham. There were several notable incidents in the early evening – I found a sachet of lubricant down the side of an armchair, and a Russian guy called Vlad gave us a novel hissing interpretation of the ‘Scorpion’ posing move invented by Rob’s friend Billy. Yet these are just footnotes to the history of the Hunter. Our drunken friends decided to go home before twelve – Tim and I, who lived in Angel at the time, also decided to go home, but via whatever clubs were open on Upper Street first.

We ended up paying £5 to enter Kinky Mambo’s, where the bouncer warned us there was only an hour and a half to go before close. But what an hour and a half it was. We chased down our beers with spirits, and, given that there was more space than earlier, opted to perform a few lunges in the classic style. I was only on my second when there was a commotion in the club to my right. I peered into the darkness. A man approached us. He was a big man, around 6’4 in height and strongly built, like a bear or a badger. If he had a small beer belly, it merely added to his impressiveness. His eyes twinkled in the spinning disco lights, and his smile gleamed with mischief. He talked to us with enthusiasm for our lunges, abandoning the girls he was squiring about the club. He then performed some strong, deep lunges, with perfect form and balance. I could see he had done them many times before. He seemed like a great guy, a lunger par excellence. But the girls distracted him, and he wandered away. Tim and I felt a little sad to have lost such a superb lunging companion. But a few minutes later, the big man caught my eye again. He moved surreptitiously into the shadows of a small doorway in the wall separating the drinking area from the dancefloor. Slowly he lunged out of the darkness into the light, drawing an imaginary arrow from behind his head, and notching it to an imaginary bow, which he held firmly in his left hand. As he reached the nadir of his lunge, he drew the imaginary bow, then pivoted his upper body nearly ninety degrees to his left so that he was facing me. His eyes fixed on mine. He released his imaginary arrow, striking me in the heart, then smoothly, as if nothing had happened at all, withdrew back into the shadows.

It was the best thing I have ever seen. In that moment, from being a mere enthusiastic dabbler in the lunge, I decided to dedicate my waking hours to lunging, in the hope of one day being able to inspire others as the Hunter had inspired me. I practised my lunges for the rest of the night, but he left us regretfully in friendship, walking away with a trio of beautiful girls on his arms. We never saw him again.

Some say he is waiting, somewhere out there in the wide world, a gold-mine of banter, good cheer, and some really cool lunges that no-one else knows about yet. Others say he forgot everything he ever knew about lunging, and settled down for a quiet life as an accountant called Brian. But some say he was transfigured into a beam of light, and ascended to the sky like a lunging god, where on clear nights he can be seen as the constellation of stars known as Orion the Hunter, fixed eternally in the heavens in a mighty celestial lunge.

Roland O’Leary
Optimus Lunge

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