* coming 2015 - possibly.

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Polite Chinese Guy (part 1)

Polite Chinese Guy is not actually that polite, and he may not even be Chinese.  The name stuck after he was heard referring to Yeoh as "Mrs Yeoh", rather than the standard "Beckyyy" or "Qing Ru".

PCG became an immediate fixture at Robinson College, both figuratively and literally: he was always, always, in Front Court organising concerts on his phone. Some students swear that they have never walked through Front Court without seeing him there. Postcards of the college typically picture the Chapel (with its famous stained glass) and the whale fin, with PCG stood between the two.

Once the Red Brick Cafe (RBC) opened, PCG had a second haunt. Those who panicked at not seeing him in Front Court would be reassured on entering the RBC; there he would be sat, immaculately dressed and nursing an americano.  Scientists at the Middle Reality Institute of Theoretical Physics are investigating the tantalising possibility than PCG occupies both spaces at the same time, like a Bose-Einstein condensate in a smart jumper (although PCG is yet to exhibit wave-particle duality or interfere with himself, at least not in public). This would be a remarkable shift from the orthodox Tse Doctrine, which says that there are two separate PCG entities, PCG and Daniel Man-Hon Tse, with PCG occupying Front Court and Tse the RBC. The situation grew even more confusing when Daniel Tse was appointed RCSA Polite Chinese Guy in 2007.

              Polite Chinese Guy (right) pictured with Terrence Grimble.

In 2009, a rogue scientist claimed to have spotted PCG outside of his natural habitat, allegedly sat in the gardens sipping tea under the shade of an umbrella. An attempt to determine his precise location, however, rendered his momentum unobservable and PCG diffused up G staircase and into Front Court. This unconfirmed sighting is probably attributable to experimental error by the Nat Sci. A third year student, who wishes to remain nameless, dismissed this heretical rumour as "in very poor taste".

When not organising music with a Stakhanovite devotion (see part 2), PCG is busy ghostwriting Daniel ‘Man-Hon The Moon’ Tse's highly anticipated third book in his series, Never Tse Never, titled Some Might Tse (More-lett, December 2008 issue of The Brick, page 4). PCG lives in Front Court with Timothy Ng and their snare beatboxing son, Context Ng-Tse-Ng-Tse-Ng-Tse.

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