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Saturday, 25 June 2011

How I Invented Wikipedia

Jimmy Wales "founded" Wikipedia in 2001.

Not only had I invented Wikipedia by that point, I'd also developed the mobile version too. Members of the jury, I give you Exhibit A: my sketch of a portable electronic encyclopaedia from 2001. The 'ZD Knowledgeometer' came preloaded with millions of articles and could be updated by connecting to the internet, where anybody could contribute. I should be a fucking millionaire.  
If I had a time machine, I'd go back to 2001 and manufacture the Knowledgeometer. That's a stupid name though, so I'd call it the ZDpedia. Or the iPedia, which would annoy Steve Jobs. I'd make sure the first article was about Jimmy Wales and that it said "Jimmy Wales is the man who didn't found Wikipedia. What's Wikipedia? Exactly. Better luck next time, Jimbo."

The ZDpedia would also keep me out of trouble, because if anybody caught me hiding in the bushes at the bottom of their garden again, I'd be able to say "don't worry, I'm from the Internet", and that would reassure them for long enough to let me escape.

"Look, I've found his wig!"
I'd also visit 2050 to see if Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black were king and queen of the world. If they were, I'd go to the 1990s and abduct baby Bieber and baby Black. I'd then take them back to the Triassic period and feed them to a dinosaur, just to confuse the paleontologists.  

If Miley Cyrus were queen of the world, I'd be okay with that. She makes Middle Reality (MR) look cool. If I've understood her world correctly, Miley Cyrus is a real person in Upper Reality (UR) who plays Miley Stewart who plays Hannah Montana in MR. Her UR friends turn up in her MR world and there's no boundary between the realities. Similarly, I am a real person in UR, and I play the Legend who plays the Bellend in MR. It makes perfect sense.

9 comments:

  1. I absolutely love the Miley Cyrus paragraph

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  2. the little dinosaurs that will take ages to kill him very painfully?

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  3. Captain Allergy26 June 2011 at 20:07

    Can you not just have a word with Spielberg? I feel the theme for Jurassic Park 4 has been decided. Even Crichton would agree!

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  4. Ricky - exactly. Compsognathus and toothless oviraptors.

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  5. I'm liking this

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  6. Matt - I'm liking it. What's the title?

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  7. Jurassic Park IV: The Fringe of Evolution?

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  8. Regarding the kidnapping of Bieber and Black I don't think you need to go to the Triassic period - just slip Kate and Jerry McCann a twenty. Boom. Never see them again, guarenteed.

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  9. russell you cruel sick b******, love it

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