ZD's Guide to Flirting 3

Lesson 3 - Boring Flirting

At Cambridge, we used to have 'swaps', where a male drinking society from one college would invite a female drinking society from another college over for a formal dinner and sex.

Not pictured: orgy.

I was sat at the end of a long table on my first swap with a pretty girl, a girl with a nondescript face and my  friend Lord Boredom, who has a nondescript personality. I said hello to the pretty girl and then ran out of things to say. She asked me what I studied but I mistook her attempt at small talk for a genuine interest in my subject and started to tell her - at length - about my recent essay.

My story trailed off as she gazed in open-mouthed horror at my social ineptitude, and I finished with the immortal chat-up line "but Lord knows more about law than me. Talk to Lord about law." She had realised I was a no-hoper by this point, so she started to talk to Boredom about everything except law while I just got drunk by myself.

I didn't sleep with her, but Boredom had even worse chat than me (the clue's in the name) and I helped myself to her food whilst she was crying, so it worked out okay in the end.