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Friday, 17 February 2012

Old Churchgoing Lady Is A Christian

EXCLUSIVE

Elizabeth Windsor, 85, of Buckingham Palace, yesterday confirmed that she loves going to church and "really digs God."

As an active member of her local community, Liz has acquired a number of nicknames around the village, including 'the Queen', 'Defender of the Faith' and 'Supreme Guv'nor'. We spoke to Liz about her role in the church. "I do the flower arranging at Westminster Abbey at weekends and play the organ when Baroness Warsi is away. I'm also in charge of the collection plate at Canterbury Cathedral. I usually take the money down to the Post Office myself, but if we collect more than £20 I give it to the Archbishop to keep safe at Lambeth Palace."

Liz hopes that her announcement in the parish newsletter will help solve problems in the village: "We've had a lot of trouble with militant atheists lately - I had one in my garden last week and they can be a real pain to get rid of - so hopefully by invoking my imaginary sky friend we can get some peace. It's been tough recently, but the church is so good for the community, and don't my petunias look lovely?"

Her neighbour, Richard Dawkins, agrees: "Like Liz, I try to take an active role in village life. I'm in charge of the tombola at the community centre coffee mornings, and I also help out at the evolutionary biology lab on Wednesday afternoons. If you ask me, Liz's announcement can't come soon enough - if there's one thing we need more of in this country, it's the superstitious crock of crap she's peddling. Have you tried her fruit cake? It's lovely. Her husband's a bit odd though."

3 comments:

  1. Ha! 'Imaginary sky friend'... good work. When are you going to start sending guest posts to the Daily Mash?

    ReplyDelete
  2. He actually emailed this one to them

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh dear. I was mostly joking.

    ReplyDelete

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